Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
