Tell her she can't have a vagina
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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