All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
