Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
