He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
