I'm going to jail i love you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
