i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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