he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
