I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
