Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
