okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize