my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
