Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
