Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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