someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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