You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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