Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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