You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
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DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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