Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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