I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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