So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
