shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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