Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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