can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
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Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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