Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
