White coat. Heels.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I love you.
Bad choice
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