when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
