i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
