How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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