I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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