and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
