i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!