i think i have two assholes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
