he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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