i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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