i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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