'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
