Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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