i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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