you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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