I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
