birth control should be required to get into college
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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