She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
