I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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