God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize