no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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