he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
