im drinking this country out of the recession.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
