i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
