K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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