I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so let's talk penis.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
