Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
