Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
