Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
