we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
