Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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