even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
