You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
