Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
